With a Little Help From My Friends
by Pannic
Summary: Ritardando, a musically talented but dim-witted earth pony, enters the town of Hoofston. Let's see how that turns out.
1. Chapter 1

With a Little Help From My Friends

Chapter 1: Welcome to Hoofston

The sun was just beginning to come up over the town of Hoofston (which was, for reasons nopony was quite sure of, pronounced "hyoofston") – it was mostly silent, save for a few pegasi at work arranging the clouds – there was supposed to be a rain today. Such news, however, had not reached one black earth pony who was just wandering down the streets. It was a black colt, with a black mane, blue eyes, and a white treble clef for a cutie mark. As he walked, he looked around, curiously, as though he had absolutely no idea where he was.

Of course, such a method of walking sometimes results in a pony not knowing where he or she is going, and as it happens, the young colt blundered right into a Pegasus.

"Hey!" the pegasus shouted, irritated. "Watch where you're going!"

The colt backed up. "I'm… um…" he seemed extraordinarily befuddled, and his demeanor conveyed an impression of stupidity. "I'm sorry."

"Why don't you pay attention?" the pegasus muttered. "Retard." And with that, he flew back up to the sky, where he'd certainly avoid any clueless earth ponies.

The black colt stood there for a while, and then continued walking, his head hung a little lower than before.

The rain came, and as a result, most ponies stayed inside their homes, to wait out the rain. This came as a slight disappointment to Gold Standard.

Gold Standard (or "Goldie," as some friends called her) was a gold-colored unicorn with gold bars on her flank, who owned a shop. It was a nice shop, very tidy and well-organized, and with a rather eclectic collection of wares – if she thought somepony would buy it, she would stock it.

She was a capitalist, and the rain meant that the usual steady flow of customers had slowed down. That meant less sales, and consequently, less money. Being a proprietor, this could be a disappointment. The store wasn't completely empty, however – there was a shoplifter. A blank-flank young pegasus who attempted to run off with a bag of sugar lumps. The rapstallion didn't get far, though, because he right into somepony else who had just walked into the story – Constable Brownie (who, obviously, was brown, and had a brownie for a cutie mark. Despite appearances, she only baked in her spare time).

"Now, just where do you think you're going with that?" she asked.

"Home?" The pegasus asked guiltily.

"Not unless you pay for it." She said. "If you're not going to pay for it, you have to put it back."

"Okay…" the pegasus said, slinking back to where he'd taken the bag from and putting it back.

"Goldie, I swear, this is the third time this week I've caught a shoplifter just by walking through the door." Brownie said, approaching the desk.

"Wreaks havoc with the paperwork – merchandise not there, but no money to indicate sales."

"What I'm trying to say is that you need to do something about it." Brownie said.

"Well, what can I do?" Goldie asked. "I'm only one pony, and I'm behind the counter most of the time. I could put in an alarm…"

"Hire an employee or two – that way you can have someone to be on the lookout while you're managing the counter." Brownie said.

Gold Standard thought about it. Employees meant a payroll. That meant less income. On the other hand, Brownie was right, and it'd probably result in less shoplifting, which meant less lost money. Having an employee might also mean that someone else is getting money, which can then be spent, and spending is good for an economy.

"That actually might be a good idea," she conceded.

"Glad you think so." Said the constable. "Good day." She turned around to exit when the sound of thunder indicated that it was still raining. "Lovely day for Raincloud to be on weather duty."

Raincloud was a grey pegasus known for her somewhat gloomy disposition and the fact that whenever she was on rain duty, it tended to last a bit longer than most ponies would appreciate. Not that she wasn't good at her job, but the rain lasted longer than most ponies would like. But we'll actually meet her later.

The bell ring, indicating that door had opened. It was the black earth pony with the treble clef cutie mark.

"Good afternoon." Gold Standard said, trying to entice the potential new customer. "Anything we can do for you today?"

"Well, um, it's just that it was raining and this was the only door that I figured I wouldn't get in trouble for walking through." The pony said.

Well, how do you respond to a statement like that?

"Well, that's perfectly alright." She said. "You can stay here until the rain's gone."

"Thank you." He said.

"I don't think I recognize you…" Constable Brownie said. They certainly didn't get a lot of strange ponies around here.

"Me neither." The black pony said. "Wait, that doesn't sound right, I mean… um…"

"Are you going to buy anything?" Goldie asked, ready to open the cash register.

"Um…" the black pony paused. "I don't think I can… I don't have any money."

"…No money?" Gold Standard asked slowly. Someone with no money? That was a horribly depressing thought for her.

She looked down at the counter. She had some fliers with discount coupons. "Say…" she said. "Here's an idea. How about if you take these." She used her magic to hold up the fliers "and hand them out to people around town? I'll pay you for the job, and then I'll give you some additional money for everypony who comes in here with a coupon."

The thunder crashed again.

"That is, once the rain's cleared up a bit. What's your name?"

The black colt stood there for a good five seconds before speaking. "Ritardando." He said quietly.

Gold Standard and Brownie paused. That was an unusual name.

"Italian?" Brownie asked.

"Maybe…" Ritardando said. "I'm not very good at places."

It was starting to become clear to the other two that this pony was not particularly bright. His head lifted up and he saw something off in the corner.

"Is that a piano?" he asked.

"Oh, that?" Gold Standard said, looking over where Ritardando was looking. "Oh, yes. Got it a few years ago, thinking it'd spruce the place up. Nobody ever plays it…" he saw his cutie mark. "You're a musician?" she asked.

"I think so..." Ritardando said, walking over to the piano and plunking out a few scales. All three ponies cringed – Gold Standard was right, that thing was in desperate need of tuning.

"I suggest you dry off." Gold Standard said, seeing that he was still dripping wet. "There's some in the bathroom upstairs."

"Oh." Ritardando said, backing up, seeing he got water on the piano. "Sorry. Thank you." He awkwardly apologized as he made his way up the stairs.

"I wonder if that piano was a very good investment." Gold Standard said. "I mean, it looks nice, but nobody ever uses it, and even if they did…" she shook her head.

"Uhh, Goldie, I know I said it'd be a good idea to hire someone and all, but I didn't mean _invite a vagabond into your home_."

"He's dripping wet, and the rain might not let up until tomorrow morning." She said simply. "What else should I have him do, wait outside?"

"Your risk." Brownie said, heading for the door. "I'll check back in the morning to see if all your worldly possessions haven't been robbed."

"You do that." Goldie said, laughing. "Sure you don't want an umbrella?"

"I don't become a constable by being put off by a bit of rain." She said, leaving.

That left Gold Standard alone in her shop, with Ritardando upstairs trying to dry off with a towel. She walked through her shop, inspecting and organizing the shelves. She always liked to have things nice and tidy at the start of the next day.

Then a shout came down the stairs. "Uhh, the towel's wet now. What do I do?"

Gold Standard was quickly given the impression that she'd made a mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rain, Kites, and Capitalism

Gold Standard had graciously allowed Ritardando to sleep in a spare room overnight until morning, when he could begin his little job, and now it was time for him to do his job.

Sure enough, the rain had let up the next morning. Ground was soggy as it gets, but that's to be expected when it rains all day the previous day. It'd probably be a fair few hours before it dried up, and as such, there weren't many ponies out and about.

In other words, Ritardando could've picked a better time to try giving away fliers. If nothing else, at least he'd have been able to sleep in a little later. But he didn't, so he couldn't.

There were some ponies out, though. Two fillies – a unicorn and an earth pony. One of them was white, with a blue mane and a blue cutie mark in the shape of a kite. The other was a grey pegasus with a grey cloud and blue raindrops as her cutie mark. She appeared to be napping on top of a grey cloud that was lying a little closer to the ground that clouds are generally expected to.

The white one was carrying a kite with her, and stopped every few steps, trying to see if there was a breeze. There wasn't. Spotting the grey cloud, she eagerly approached it, whereupon the pegasus looked down on her.

"Good morning, Raincloud!" The filly called up.

"Kite." Raincloud said. "Let me guess, want some wind in your kite?"

"Well, I'd thought about it."

"Well, think about it later, I'm trying to get some sleep." She said, lowering her head and trying to catch some shut-eye.

"Um, excuse me…."

Kite jumped. But it was just Ritardando behind her, wearing a pack. "Oh, sheesh, you scared me."

"Oh…" Ritardando said. "Sorry."

"Oh, it's alright. Just with your voice, I thought you were Phoenix, and-"

"And why is Phoenix scary?"

That did not come from Ritardando. It was, in fact instead a larger red unicorn, with a gold bird on his flank. He was older than the others, and he carried himself with a slightly pompous air. "Well?" he asked, in an intimidating bass-baritone voice.

"Oh, wow, your voice does sound like mine." Ritardando said. Phoenix turned and looked at him quizzically.

"Do I know you?" he asked, after a lengthy pause.

Ritardando looked behind him. "I don't think so. You want a flier?" he asked, taking one of them from his pack and holding it in front of him.

Phoenix' eyes narrowed. "No, I can't say I'm particularly interested…" Ritardando's head drooped. "Oh, all right." He said, taking one of them and walking off in a huff. Kite walked over, looking at the fliers with an expression of disapproval.

"You're working for Gold Standard?" she asked. "She's a corporatist, you know."

"Umm…" Ritardando stood there for a minute. "I don't think I know what that means."

"Oh." Kite said. Getting the impression that he wouldn't understand whatever definition she gave, she decided to skip that part of the conversation. "My name's Kite, and this is Raincloud"

"Because he totally needs to be introduced to me right now." Raincloud mumbled.

"What's your name?" Kite asked.

"Ritardando." He said. "I think I like your name better. It's shorter and easier to remember."

"Well, I don't see why someone's name should be hard to remember." Kite said.

"Well, my name's long and apparently it's Italian, so…"

All this time, Raincloud looked down at the two, wondering what was up with the black pony.

"So," Ritardando said. "You want a flier? Comes with a discount coupon."

"Oh, alright," Kite said, swallowing her pride and taking one of the fliers.

"Thank you!" Ritardando said, trotting off.

"So, Raincloud, about that wind…"

Routines similar to this carried on for most of the day, albeit with much less small-talk. Ritardando went around town, asking random ponies if they wanted the fliers with discount coupons. This got easier, as more ponies came out as the day grew later, and he eventually managed to hand them all out, eventually returning to Gold Standard's shop.

"'Ello?" he asked, entering. "I handed out all the things."

"Wonderful." Gold Standard said, not particularly paying attention to him, as she was occupied restocking the shelves, "You can just leave the bag on the counter, and I'll be over there in a jiffy with some payment."

"Thank you kindly," Ritardando said. "Somepony out there called you a 'coproratist.'"

That, however, got Goldie's attention.

"What does that mean?" Ritardando asked.

"Ugh," Goldie said, walking over to the counter, "Kite? One of these days, I need to explain to her – I am a proprietor, not a corporatist. There is a difference."

"Um…" Ritardando said. "I don't think I know what that other word means, either."

Gold Standard took a breath. "It works like this – I own this shop, you see?"

"I think so."

"Now, I own the establishment, so that makes me a proprietor."

"Uh-huh."

"Now, a corporation is different. A corporation is made up of many ponies, with investors who own stock and elect a board of directors who make managing decisions."

Ritardando blinked. He didn't get it. "That sounds confusing." He conceded.

"It can be." She said, opening the cash register. "Now, here you are – there's your payment for handing all those fliers out, and for everypony who comes in here with a discount coupon, you'll get some more money." Then another thought occurred to her. "So, you're just passing through?" she asked. "Where are you from?"

"Not sure." Ritardando said.

"You're not sure? What do you mean?"

"I dunno…" Ritardando said, shrugging. "I guess I'm just not 'from' anywhere?"

"You don't have a home or anything?"

There was a pause. "I…" Ritardando thought. "I don't think so."

Gold Standard remembered what Constable Brownie had said. A vagabond. "Well, how long are you planning on staying here?" she asked.

"I dunno." He said, getting a little nervous. "I mean, I haven't been any trouble or anything, have I? You're very nice to me for letting me spend the night when it's raining, and I don't mean to impose-"

"No, no no." Gold Standard laughed. "You haven't been any trouble at all."

"Not even with the towel thing?"

"Towels get wet, Ritardando. As long as you don't dunk them in the toilet or something, that's fine."

Ritardando was quiet. "Should I make a list of things not to do with a towel?"

"It's quite all right." Gold Standard said, deciding that some of his questions would go over much better without answer. "As long as you're staying in town, you can use my guest room. I don't use it very often."

"Gee, that's very nice of you."

"Not at all." Gold Standard said. "And as long as you're here, you can do jobs for me, keep an eye around the shop, and I'll pay you. Does that sound good?"

"Yes it does." Ritardando was starting to perk up.

"Wonderful." Goldie said, returning to the shelves. "Now, one thing I'll want you to do is keep an eye on the shop, make sure nobody leaves with anything that's not paid for."

"Okay, I can do that… just, how do I tell whether it's paid for or not?"

"Well, if they just take something off of the shelves and try to leave the store, stop them."

"Ohhhhhh, okay…" Ritardando said, nodding, in one of those rare occurrences of him 'getting it,' so to speak.

The bell rang, indicating a customer walking in. Gold Standard craned her head to see the pony carrying a coupon in his mouth. Beaming, she walked over to the counter.

"Good afternoon." She said, eager to make a sale. "Can I help you with something."

"Hello. I was here to get an umbrella." The pony said. "I realized yesterday that I could really use one of them."

"Here!" Ritardando said, grabbing an umbrella off of a rack and running over to the customer. Gold Standard was more than a little surprised at how eager Ritardando seemed to help. So did the customer.

"Thank you…" the customer said, placing the coupon on the counter and taking the umbrella. "Let's see, coupon is…" he mumbled to himself, working out the amount of money, paying, and leaving, giving a funny look to the black colt.

"Did I do good?" Ritardando asked. Gold Standard was a little lost for words, as so many different thoughts were going through her head. He certainly seemed nice, but maybe a little _too_ nice, the kind of nice that ceases to be endearing and instead becomes irritating. And she'd pretty much locked herself into an agreement where she'd give him room, board, and even money.

"Yes, but…" she started. "I'll need to give you a few pointers about how shopkeeping works…"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: More Kites, that Other Guy, and Ritardando Doing Something Music-Related

A few days had passed since the rain, and Raincloud was bored out of her skull. Rules (and a lack of horsepower) prevented her from covering the town in rain again, so now she was delegated to menial jobs like breeze-making, when she even had a job at all.

And it was a rather hot day. She hated hot days. But she had a way of coping with that – a dark cloud right above her. It amounted to a handy piece of portable shade.

She was on a hill, overlooking the town of Hoofton. From there she could see most of the town, and a good deal of the grassy expanse that lied to the east.

Then she realized something. Bright, sunny day. Air was still. That meant-

"Raincloud?" a voice asked. It was Kite, with her kite.

"Hello, Kite." Raincloud said in a flat tone of voice. "Let me guess, you want wind?"

"Well, I don't know how to fly a kite without a breeze."

Raincloud struggled to suppress a groan. "Fine," she said, stretching her wings and beating them, creating a small breeze which Kite promptly threw her kite into, all while Raincloud grabbed her source of shade to keep it from blowing away.

"Thank you." She said cheerfully, watching the kite as it sailed into the sky.

Raincloud looked up at the kite in the sky, and then down at Kite the pony. She had always wondered why she liked kites that much. They held no interest to a pegasus, but perhaps earth ponies (possibly unicorns, too) were more easily amused. After all, Raincloud could fly – she didn't need a colorful paper proxy.

"Kite, can I ask you a question?" Raincloud asked.

"Sure, why not?" Kite asked, craning her head, but not losing any control over the kite.

Raincloud sat there in silence for a bit. "…Nothing. Nevermind."

"Okay…" Kite said, focusing her attention back on the Kite.

Raincloud had decided that there was no answer Kite could give that wouldn't annoy her. Some questions, she decided, are just best left unasked.

But she guessed it just figured that the pony named Kite would like kites. But she wondered why she put up with the repeated requests for the wind needed to get that thing in the air.

She shrugged to herself. Why not?, she figured.

_A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A._

That was the sound you were going to hear at Gold Standard's shop that day, because Ritardando had taken it upon himself to tune the very-neglected piano. This isn't about him.

Gold Standard was behind the counter, counting up the coins in the register and checking them against a sheet of paper that had recorded all the merchandise sold – had to ensure that the numbers added up. They did. At the end of the day she'd count up the inventory and make sure there were no further discrepencies.

Constable Brownie walked in, and surveyed the few ponies going about their shopping. "Well, I don't stop a shoplifter on the way in." she said, approaching the counter. "Either I'm not doing my job properly or it hasn't been a problem."

"No problem at all, Constable." Goldie said, shutting the cash register. "Though I wonder why you're so concerned with what happens in my store?"

"I have to enforce the law. All crime is my business."

_A. A. A. A._

That was starting to get very annoying (seriously, you ever hear someone tune one of those things?).

"There's another thing I wanted to talk to you about." Brownie said. "About your employee."

"He hasn't been robbing me, if that's what you're asking." Goldie said dryly.

"It's not that." Brownie said. "It's just that I saw him yesterday, sneaking around the old abandoned theatre."

Gold Standard looked at him. Ritardando stopped tuning.

"I wasn't supposed to do that?" he asked guiltily.

"It's been closed. The area's off-limits." Brownie said.

"Sorry… I didn't know. I just thought, that, well…"

"It's alright, Ritardando." Brownie said, trying to calm him down. "It's just that old abandoned buildings like that aren't safe."

"Oh, okay…" Ritardando said, going back to the piano. "I won't do it again."

"That's all I wanted to hear." Constable Brownie said. Gee, Ritardando sure did act guilty a lot, didn't he?

Gold Standard looked around. All the shoppers were gone. "Where'd the costumers go?"

"The terrible piano music drove them away." Said a deep, sarcastic voice. It was Phoenix.

"It'll sound good later." Ritardando called. "I hope…" he added quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Constable Brownie asked suspiciously.

"The same thing that everypony does in a shop. I shop." Phoenix replied dryly. "Where do you keep the medicine?"

"Over there…" Gold Standard said, indicating a shelf towards the back of the store.

"Thank you," Phoenix said in a tone of voice that barely indicated any thankfulness at all. He went off towards the shelf in question while the other two watched. Ritardando, meanwhile…

_A. A. A. A._

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Phoenix shouted. Ritardando promptly stopped and cowered near the piano.

"I will not have you talking to my employees like that." Gold Standard said sternly.

Phoenix huffed. "I was just about to leave." He said, taking a box off of the shelf and walking to the counter. "Oh, and I have one of these." He said, producing the discount coupon. Gold Standard gave a shocked stare to Ritardando, who shrugged.

"Is something wrong?" Phoenix asked, annoyed.

"No…" Gold Standard replied. Phoenix paid his money and then left the store.

"How…" Goldie asked, "how did you get _him_ a discount coupon?"

"I gave it to him." Ritardando said simply.

Constable Brownie found the events as odd as Goldie died. "Well," she said, "I guess there are things I should be doing instead of standing around talking. Good day."

"Bye…" Ritardando said as she left. He looked at Goldie. "Thank you for standing up for me."

"Oh, don't mention it."

"Well, thank you…" Ritardando said, returning to the piano.

_A. A. A. A._

You get the idea.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Blackbird

Ritardando had been given a relatively simple task. A few weeks ago, Gold Standard had plastered fliers all over town, indicating there was a special sale. Well, now the sale was over, and she now had to disappoint everypony who came by inquiring about the sale. Unfortunately, as she was too busy managing the place to go out and take them down, so she asked Ritardando to do it.

Ritardando didn't really have any difficulty with it, save for the fact that he frequently found himself distracted.

For example, the abandoned theatre. He knew he wasn't supposed to go inside again, but he just wanted to look at it.

Besides, he thought, maybe there was a flier on the building that he could take down (there wasn't). Though he didn't actually walk up to the building – he just stood and looked at it.

"Just what are you thinking of doing?" Asked a voice. Ritardando jumped, startled. He looked around for the source of the voice. "Up here," it said.

Ritardando looked up. There, sitting on a grey cloud, was Raincloud, looking down at him.

"Well?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing!" Ritardando said.

"Not surprising." Raincloud muttered under her breath. "I don't suggest you hang around here for very long. Brownie might think you look suspicious."

"But I'm not suspicious!" Ritardando protested.

"Honestly," Raincloud said, "I believe you. Just stay out of the building. We just don't use it."

"But why?" Ritardando asked, walking away and resuming his task of looking for fliers. "I mean, I went inside, and the place didn't seem run-down or anything – why not use it?"

"Asbestos." Raincloud said very, very flatly.

Ritardando paused. "Heeey, wait a minute…" he looked up at her. She raised an eyebrow. "That's not a real sentence!"

"Huh?" She asked.

"'As best us?' What does that even _mean_?" He asked. Seeing the expression on her face, he realized that he'd misunderstood. An awkward silence passed, until at length, he said, "as _pest_ us?"

"We don't have many big performing arts ponies here." She said, trying to find terms that he'd recognize.

"Oh." He said. "That stinks."

He looked off in the distance. There was a house a fair ways away from the rest of the town. Maybe there was a flier there, he thought, and began walking off in that direction.

"Uhh…" Raincloud said. "That's Phoenix's place. Why are you going there?"

"To get fliers!"

"I, uhh… there aren't any there." She said. "Trust me."

"You've already checked?" Ritardando asked, stopping.

Raincloud was quiet for a second. "Wow. He actually got me there." She muttered to herself. Of course, Ritardando had resumed walking there by the time she decided on what else to say.

She opened her mouth, and then decided to just let him go. Not her problem.

Ritardando resumed walking up to what he'd been told was Phoenix's house. It was a large building on the outskirts of the town, surrounded by a dirty, crumbling fence and with an uninviting path leading up to the front door. He saw that the front gat was open, and walked into the front yard. Looking around, he saw that there were no fliers stuck to the wall. He was about to turn around and leave when he heard a noise.

It was a chirping sound, coming from an open window. He walked up to the window, slowly, and peered inside. It seemed to be a study, with a desk and several bookcases (and a mess of books piled onto the desk), but the source of the noise had been a small, gilded birdcage next to the desk.

Inside the cage was a tiny blackbird, chirping.

"Oh, hi!" Ritardando said, leaning against the open window. "What's your name?" he asked.

The bird cocked its head at him, and then gave another chirp.

"Oh, I forgot, birds can't talk…" Ritardando said, ears drooping. "But you can sing! I like singing, too."

The bird chirped inquisitively.

Ritardando cleared his throat. "Ahem." And then he started singing. "_Blackbird singing in the dead of night…_"

"What are you doing?"

Ritardando was so surprised he nearly jumped through the window. He turned around. It was Phoenix.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

"Ah-ah-ah-I I didn't mean to intrude-"

"Oh, goooood!" Phoenix said in a sarcastic, slightly higher-pitched voice. "Then DON'T!" he bellowed. Ritardando went barreling out of his front yard, back into town. Phoenix watched him as he ran off, before shutting the window and entering through the front door.

Ritardando bolted back into town, and into Gold Standard's shop. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Gold Standard looked at him from the counter, surprised. Raincloud was also there, and looked at him.

"I told you." Raincloud said in a flat voice.

"Ritardando? What happened?" Goldie asked.

"I took down the fliers," he responded.

"Don't ask," Raincloud said.

"All of them?"

"Maybe."

"Well, you can go out and check some more tomorrow. Thank you." Goldie said, returning to her business with Raincloud ("Don't ask," she said).

Ritardando and nodded, heading to the staircase at the back of the store and climbing up. From there, he made his way down the hallway to the spare room that Goldie had allowed him to take up residence.

The room had a bed and a nightstand, upon which Ritardando's worldly possessions (several sheets of music paper and a harmonica, among other things) were strewn, the empty saddlebags at the foot of the bed.

He walked over to the window, looking in the direction of Phoenix's house (likely in part to make sure he hadn't followed him). That Phoenix owned a pet bird surprised him, and he was disappointed that he wasn't able to sing for longer.

He was, however, quickly removed from his train of thought by a bright blue kite sailing past his window. He stared blankly at it, entranced by the pretty colors, before noticing that there was someone holding onto it from the other end.

It was Kite. She didn't notice him, however, as she had her eyes fixed on the kite.

_She likes kites_, Ritardando figured. He looked around at the town from the window, and realized he was able to see the other ponies going about their business.

He saw Raincloud exit the shop with what appeared to be a large roll of string. She walked over to Kite, who nodded appreciatively. This confused Ritardando, so he promptly turned his attention to something else.

He also saw Constable Brownie, making what appeared to be routine rounds around the town. Ritardando wondered if that ever got boring.

Then, he saw Phoenix walking down the road, and he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He watched in horror as the colt made his way into the shop.

He sat there for a minute, terrified. Then, shutting the window, he bolted out of his room and down the staircase.

"…and let me make it clear that if I want a visitor, I will _ask_ for one."

CRASH

There's a good reason that one shouldn't run down a staircase.

"That will be all for now." Phoenix said, turning and leaving.

"Ritardando!" Goldie exclaimed. "Are you alright?"

Ritardando sheepishly sat up. "I was just looking for fliers…"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Possible Brain Damage and More Kites (I'm not Kidding)

"What do you _mean_ you don't have any?" Phoenix asked angrily, nostrils flaring.

He was in Gold Standard's shop, at the counter, with a number of things he intended to purchase – medicine, certain plant parts, a new book, and so on. The shop, however, lacked one thing in stock that he needed – iris petals.

"I'm sorry." Gold Standard said, trying to maintain a polite disposition. "But we stopped ordering them – you were the only one who ever bought them."

"Well, I _need_ those." Phoenix said. "Oh, forget it. Just give me what I bought-"

He didn't even remember to use magic to carry it out, instead just grabbing the bag in his mouth and storming out of the shop. Coincidentally, Raincloud entered at the same time.

"Well, he seems uncharacteristically cheerful today." She said.

"Lookie!" Shouted Ritardando, bursting through the storeroom door. "Lookie what I found!"

Raincloud and Gold Standard looked at the black colt and saw him standing there with an acoustic guitar hanging around his neck by a strap, a full-toothed grin plastered on his face.

"We had a guitar back there all this time?" Goldie asked, surprised.

"I know! Isn't it great?" Ritardando asked, bouncing excitedly.

"Just remember you need to restock the shelves," Goldie said. The grin quickly fell from Ritardando's face.

"Oops…" he said. "I forgot."

"That's okay, just do it." Goldie said patiently. Ritardando promptly ran back into the storeroom.

"You know," Raincloud said, looking over several large sheets of colored paper, "when I first met him, I swore he and Phoenix had the exact same voice. But I think I found a difference."

"What's that?" Goldie asked.

"Ritardando drags out his vowels a little longer. You got any other colors?"

Ritardando hastily emerged from the storeroom, carrying probably too many large boxes on his back. Hastily, he stacked the boxes on their respective shelves.

"Done!" he said, exasperated. "Can I go for a walk?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Gold Standard spotted one box that was backwards. Quickly and subtly, she used her magic to remove the box and turn it around without Ritardando noticing. "Hmm?" she asked, paying more attention to the aforementioned than to the request.

"I did what you told me to." He said quietly. "I'd like to take a little walk around town."

Gold Standard looked at the clock. Despite his distraction with the guitar, he had actually finished his chores in a decent amount of time. "I guess so. Just make sure you're back by three."

"Okay!" Ritardando said, merrily trotting out the front door.

"Maybe I should have him as a door greeter…" Goldie said to herself.

As Ritardando began his walk through the town, he came by an apple tree. Seeing a piece of fruit hanging, he decided to try bucking the tree, but he stopped when he saw a blue jay sitting there, preening its feathers.

He smiled, forgetting about the apple. He did the one thing that came naturally – that is, he started belting out a song.

"_Oh jaybird, sittin' on a hick'ry limb_

_He winked at me and I winked at him_

_I picked up my brickbat_

_An' hit him on the chin._

'_Looka here, little boy, don't you do that agin!'"_

"Shut up!" yelled a voice, as there was a shattering sound near Ritardando's hooves. He jumped, looking down. It was a broken flowerpot. He looked back up and saw a window on a nearby building shut, in front of which there was a row of flowerpots with a noticeable gap. He looked back at the tree and saw that the jay had flown off, likely startled by either the song or the flowerpot.

He looked down and saw that there'd been a sunflower in the pot. Remembering he was hungry, he decided to make that his afternoon snack.

It was at this point that Raincloud, laden with saddlebags, passed him. "Was that you singing?" she asked.

"You're not going to throw a flowerpot at me, are you?" Ritardando asked quietly.

"I'll take that as a yes." Raincloud said, walking on past him. Ritardando, however, followed her. Raincloud, not being an idiot, noticed this. "What?" she asked.

"What's in the bags?" Ritardando asked.

"Just… stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Ritardando asked. "Is it stuff for Kite?"

Raincloud stopped. "Huh?"

"Is it stuff for Kite?" Ritardando asked. "I saw you the other day – you bought some stuff and gave it to Kite."

"Well, yes I did." She said, resuming the walk. "Just don't tell Goldie about it."

"Um, okay…" Ritardando asked. "So, what is it?"

"It's kite-making materials. String, paper, cloth, that sort of thing."

"Kite-making…" Ritardando repeated, pondering it over. "But the store sells kites."

"Well, she doesn't want any of those."

They eventually came to a small cottage that had a disproportionate number of windows. Raincloud walked up to the front door (which also had a large window on it) and knocked.

Ritardando quietly walked up to one of the many windows and peered inside. Looked like any normal house, but it seemed like the kitchen, living room, and dining room were all mashed together into one big room, and there was a large door around the middle.

"It's not really polite to pry." Raincloud said. Ritardando jumped.

"Sorry…" he said, backing up.

Seeing that Kite wasn't answering the knock, Raincloud pushed the doorbell.

"Yes?" asked a voice behind them. They turned around, seeing it was Kite.

"That explains why she didn't come when you knocked," said Ritardando, stating the obvious. Kite, meanwhile, was holding a kite he hadn't seen before – it was a delta kite, and it was bright pink. "Well?" she asked, looking at Raincloud. "What do you think?"

Raincloud's expression was unchanged. "I told you, I don't like pink."

"Ah, well," Kite said, shrugging. "Thought it might be funny." She reasoned, opening the door. "Hi, Ritardando – what are you doing?"

"Following me." Raincloud said.

"Well, I saw that she'd bought a bunch of stuff and was bringing it to you, so I wanted to see." Ritardando said. "She says you make kites."

"Yep. Want to come see them?" she asked. Ritardando nodded. "Alrighty, then, just follow me."

She led them into her house, towards the mysterious door. Opening it, Ritardando saw a long staircase leading down somewhere. Fortunately, it was well-lit, so he didn't have cause to be scared.

"So," Kite asked, "You're a musician?"

"Yep" Ritardando said.

"We don't get a lot of those here," Kite said as they reached the bottom of the stairs, in front of yet another large door. "Well, ready to see my workshop?" she asked, grinning. Opening the doors, more light flooded in, and Ritardando stared in shock.

The room was a giant workshop, the walls lined with all kinds of kites in every shape and color workable.

"I make all kinds." Kite said, walking in. "I get the materials – paper, cloth, string, wood for the frames, and I put them together. I make diamond kites, delta kites, dragon kites, box kites, fighter kites, arch kites, bag kites, c-kites, bow kites…"

Ritardando blinked. "So… you like kites?" he asked, walking further into the room.

Kite chuckled. "Yeah. But I guess that's to be expected. It's always been my life's calling. That's probably why I got my cutie mark. I remember I got it the first time I flew a homemade kite. It was the happiest I'd ever been." She sat down, off in her memories.

"What is it you like about them so much?" he asked.

Kite paused. She thought. She'd never really considered that question. "I… I don't know." She said. "I guess it's hard to explain. I mean, why does anything like anything? Why do _you_ like music, I-"

"Because it's beautiful." Ritardando said quietly, cutting her off. There was an awkward silence in the room.

"Anyway," Raincloud said, "I brought you the supplies you wanted."

"Wonderful!" Kite said, peering into the bags. "Thanks a bunch."

"Why do you need to make your own kites?" Ritardando asked. "I mean, we sell kites-"

"You sell _one_ kite." Kite said, walking over to the wall. "And I already have it." She indicated a blue-and-white diamond kite. "It's not that it's a bad kite or anything, it's just it's the only one you sell. I mean… imagine if you had one song, and that was the only song you had."

"Huh." Ritardando said. "That wouldn't be as good as having a lot of songs."

"Exactly!"

"Meanwhile, the rest of us are unable to tell the difference." Raincloud said.

"There are differences!" Kite and Ritardando protested.

"Well, in any case, I have to go. Weather management is going to be mad if I'm late for the breeze again." She said, turning to go up the stairs.

"I guess I should go, too," Ritardando said (Raincloud gave a sigh – _Oh, am I ever going to get away from this guy?_)

"Well, see ya later." Kite said as Ritardando followed Raincloud up the stairs.

"You know," Raincloud said, after they left the house, "I never got why she likes kites so much either. Now that you ask, I guess she doesn't have a reason."

"Well," Ritardando said. "Maybe she does have a reason, and just doesn't know how to say it. I mean, well, I don't always know how to say things."

"Well, what do you think her reason is?" she asked.

"Um…" Ritardando thought. "Well, I dunno. Maybe it's like what I said, and she thinks they're beautiful."

"Lots of things are beautiful. Doesn't mean you have to obsess over them." She said.

"Well, I'm just saying." He said. "Maybe I don't know, but maybe she knows, and you sorta just know, y'know?"

There was an awkward pause.

"No." She shook her head. "Ugh. I need to get back to my job," she sighed, spreading her wings and jumping into the air.

"See ya…" Ritardando said.

He realized that he should probably be getting back to the shop. However, on the way back, he passed that apple tree and decided that he would like to have that apple after all. Licking his lips, he walked up to the tree, turned around, and bucked it. As expected, the apple fell to the ground. Not as expected, however-

"WHAT are you _doing_?" roared somepony else's voice. Ritardando jumped. It was a large, scary-looking colt. "See that sign there?"

The colt indicated a sign nearby: "Do Not Kick the Trees."

Ritardando looked at it, flustered.

"What's the matter with you? Can't you _read_?" the colt asked, bearing down on him.

"I-I-I-I…" Ritardando stammered, backing up.

"Are you _stupid_ or something?"

Then, Ritardando slipped on the apple. He stumbled over and crashed into the wall of a nearby building with a painful-sounding **THUD**.

"Ugh…" Ritardando groaned, regaining his footing. He looked at the colt, who had a look of horror on his face.

"Look out!" he shouted.

"Huh?" Ritardando asked. And then it hit him. A flowerpot, right on his head. On impact, it shattered, covering his head in dirt.

"Oh, no no no no…" the other colt stammered. "Stay here, I gotta get help!"

Ritardando blinked, not taking everything in, but trying to stand up straight. His head was awash with sounds and voices.

"_Look out!... Why don't you pay attention?... Are you stupid or something?... Retard… Italian?... _Can you hear me?..._ Shut up!... Watch where you're going!... Retard… Ritardando!"_

"Ritardando!" a voice seemed to be shouting in his face.

"Uh?" Ritardando groaned, looking around. He was in his bed at Gold Standard's shop. Constable Brownie was hovering near him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I… I" Ritardando leaned up, and a cloth fell off of his head.

"No, stay down." Brownie said, having him lie back down and placing the cold, damp cloth back on his head. "Somepony came running to me for help. A flowerpot fell and hit you on the head."

"But he'll be okay, right?" Gold Standard asked.

"He'll be fine," Brownie said. "He just has to take it easy for the next couple days. He should stay in bed for the rest of the day, and don't have him do any hard work for a while. That means no heavy lifting or errand-running. It'll probably be best to keep an eye on him for the rest of the day."

"I'll have to go down and close up the shop, then," Goldie said, turning and exiting the room.

"Did I do something wrong?" Ritardando asked.

"No, nothing like that. It seems like entirely somepony else's fault." Brownie said. "Leaving their flowers too close to the edge. You just need to be careful and watch out. In the meantime, just stay in here for a while. Keep things easy and quiet."

"Is there anything else I can do?" Gold Standard asked, walking back in.

"No, I think he'll be fine. Just fetch me if there are any problems." Brownie said, walking to the door. "Have a good day," she said, leaving the room and heading down the stairs and out of the shop.

"Kite brought you something," Goldie said, levitating something with her horn. It was a kite (obviously). More specifically, a black delta kite with what a white staff and notes on it.

"Ooh…" Ritardando said, taking and holding it. "Black! How'd she guess?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Candy and Rainbows

Ritardando seemed to be just fine after his concussion (because he probably didn't need two days' rest after a bump on the head), and was down and about. He was very careful around heavy objects, though, which was a rare bit of common sense from him. Granted, even the less intelligent have that kind of sense, given the populace's general aversion to pain.

At present, he was in his room, tuning that guitar he had found. It was a nice guitar, he thought. Hopefully Gold Standard would let him keep it, or at least sell it to him (there's a funny idea – buy from your employer).

"Ritardando!" called Gold Standard's voice from downstairs. "Are you up yet?"

"Coming!" he called back, placing the guitar down on the bed and bolting down the stairs. Gold Standard was in the kitchen, and there were two bowls of cereal on the table.

"Morning!" said Ritardando.

"Morning"

Ritardando then spotted something on the kitchen counter – several glass bottles, one with a straw inserted. He looked at them quizzically. "What's that?" he asked.

"It's my plan for the Autumn Apple Fair this year," Gold Standard said, seeming a little pleased with herself.

"The aw-dumb what?" Ritardando asked.

"The Autumn Apple Fair. Every fall there's a big fair near the town celebrating the apple harvests. A lot of money is exchanged, and I mean _a lot_." She said. "I've been trying to find a way to get in on the business for years, and I think I might've found something. I've been working on apple cider. Care to try some?"

"I'm underage…" Ritardando said. He then saw an expression on her face that he was more accustomed to seeing on Raincloud's. "Or maybe not." He said, taking a sip.

"I think I might be onto something here," Gold Standard said, half to herself. "If I can just… just…" The confidence fell from her face. "Ugh, it's not going to work. There's bound to be tons of ponies selling cider, and my wares aren't going to make a dent in anyone else's sales. I don't know how I can possibly compete with the Delicious brothers."

"Huh?" Ritardando asked, thinking of cannibalism.

"Red Delicious and Gold Delicious," Goldie said, pacing. "They're from the Apple family, the owners of the biggest orchards. Every year, they come in with their big fancy apple-wagons and their big fancy apple pies and my shop is left completely vacant for the entire fair. Even when I try to set up a booth in the actual fair, I never get back the money it costs to set up the booth in the first place." She was growing more and more frustrated. "Apple cider," she muttered, disbelieving. "As if that'd be the winning strategy. I barely know how to make it-"

"I thought it tasted good…"

Gold Standard spun around angrily, "well of course _you_ would-" she broke off, seeing the colt's startled reaction. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to calm down. "It's just I've been trying to do it for years, and it just frustrates me. I just can't get it to work."

"It was like that with me, once," Ritardando said, "with the guitar. Then I realized it didn't have strings."

Gold Standard, like many ponies, had absolutely no response to that, just staring as he ate his cereal.

"Well, after we have breakfast, we'll open shop."

They entered into the shop after they had their cereal. "Well," Gold Standard said, "I'm going to need a bit of help from you." She said, using magic to lift a large crate near the counter. "A very special Friday ritual." She placed the crate down and then instead raising a crowbar.

"And…" Ritardando said, "what do I do?"

"Stand by the door." She pried off the top of the crate.

Ritardando jumped as he heard banging on the front door. He turned and looked – dozens of little colts and fillies with eager-looking faces. It had been a crate of candy.

"I want you to stand by the door and just keep an eye. Ready?" her horn started to glow.

"Huh?"

And then the door was open and Ritardando was nearly trampled by all of the foals.

After managing to get his bearings, he just stood there, vacant expression, watching all the foals buying candy. After about twenty minutes, they'd all gone.

"So, um," Ritardando said.

"Every Friday we get a new shipment of candy." Goldie explained. "And all the foals come and get it. I should really consider selling more and opening a little candy bar here - it's very lucrative and I think it might make the store seem a little more inviting…"

There was a sound from outside that sounded like a foal was upset.

"Oh no…" Goldie said.

"What?" Ritardando said, walking over to the door.

"Bullies…" Goldie said. "The foals buy the candy, and then the bullies come along and try to take it from them."

Ritardando stood there for a while. "Say…" he said, a grin appearing on his face. "I have an idea."

"An id…" Goldie said, almost surprised by the prospect, but definitely surprised by the fact that Ritardando had merrily waltzed out of the store.

Turning a corner, he found just the thing – three young bullies, the mass of children cowering before them. One of the bullies was a unicorn, using magic to hold the candy over them.

"That all of it?" the leader, an earth pony, asked.

"I think so," said the unicorn.

"Any of you pipsqueaks hiding any?" the third, a pegasus, asked. "You'd better not, or you'll be in for a load of hurt."

The younger foals cringed.

"Excuse me," said Ritardando, but in a different tone of voice than usual – his vowels weren't dragged out, but were sharp and to the point. He sounded like some kind of suave British mastermind. "I can't help but hear the ruckus."

"Yeah, what of it?" the young earth pony asked.

"Nothing, nothing," Ritardando said, "just that it seemed like you were being a little… mean, to this young foals. You see…" he lowered his head to him, "it wouldn't be very nice if there were some big foals making trouble for little foals, now, would it?"

The bullies were starting to lose their tough guy acts, what with the big black pony with a scary deep voice being all intimidating on them.

"Hey…" said the pegasus, hovering in front of him, "aren't you that retard who stacks boxes?"

"Why, yes, my little pony," Ritardando said, a sinister grin crossing his face, "I do stack boxes. Do you know why?"

The pegasus sank to the ground.

"There are secrets in those boxes," Ritardando said in a voice that was almost whispering, "dark secrets only known to the few of us. Dark secrets that guard, for example, that candy. So I think that you three should have a little more respect for it, and pay for it with your own money rather than grubbing it off of these honest foals. Do I make myself clear?"

The unicorn was trying to save face, but he'd let up his spell holding up the candy. "He's bluffing. Take this!" he said, and shot a bolt of magic out of his horn.

Ritardando blinked, and then wiggled his nose a bit. The unicorn wasn't breathing, waiting to see what would happen. Ritardando turned his focus back to the unicorn, and leaned in. "That tickled." He said.

The bullies turned tail and ran, as the younger foals quickly gathered up their candy. Ritardando turned around and walked majestically back into the shop, his head held high, to a dumb-struck Gold Standard.

After he walked in and closed, the door, however.

"AAAAAGH! My nose!" he yelped, the suave accent dropping. "My nose my nose my nose my nose my nose…." He repeated as Goldie led him into the kitchen.

"Hold still," she said, holding an ice pack up to his nose.

"Ahh!" he yelped again, jumping back. "That's cold!"

"Of course it's cold, it's an ice pack," she said, trying to regain her patience. "What was that you just did?"

Ritardando managed to put up with the ice on his nose. "Well, the bullies were scaring the foals, so I thought… why not scare them? I mean, I've got a deep voice, and I can make it sound all intimidating, and, well…"

"'Dark secrets that guard this candy?'" Goldie asked, laughing, "now there's an idea. I could use that as a marketing gimmick. You okay?"

"Uh-huh." Ritardando said, nodding.

The bell rang, indicating someone entering into the shop.

"Well, let's go. Can't leave a customer waiting," said Gold Standard as they entered back into the shop.

It was Raincloud, looking a little impatient.

"Oh hi!" Ritardando said, apparently recovered from whatever was the matter with his nose. "You here for kite-making supplies again?"

"Huh?" Goldie asked.

Raincloud's eyes narrowed, walking over to the newspaper stand near the counter. "No. I'm just here for the paper."

"Um…" Ritardando said, thinking. "Ohhhh, _that_ paper."

"Are you feeling alright?" Goldie asked.

"I doubt it has anything to do with the bump on his head," Raincloud said, taking the paper and placing a bit on the counter. "Hm. Some young mare in Cloudsdayle performed a Sonic Rainboom…" she said casually, flipping through the pages.

"His nose, actually… I heard about that, too. I had a hard time believing it." Goldie said. She noticed Raincloud's lack of interest. "I take it you're not into sports?"

"I'm unlikely to be impressed by anything involving rainbows." Raincloud responded.

"Y'know, why are there so many songs about rainbows…" Ritardando mused. "I'm gonna grab my guitar!" And before Raincloud could object, he had run up the stairs.

"Thanks for the paper," Raincloud said hastily, grabbing the paper and leaving.

Ritardando ran back down, guitar hanging from his neck. "Where'd she go?" he asked. Surprisingly, he caught onto what happened. Unsurprisingly, he barreled out the door after her.

"Ritardando, wait!" Goldie shouted afterwards. She ran after him, worried that nothing good would come out of this.

"Raincloud, wait!" Ritardando said. "I think I've got a song!"

Unfortunately, Raincloud's already-limited patience had run out. "No, Ritardando." She said, turning around. "I'm not interested. I have a headache."

"Music can't give you a headache!"

"Try me," Raincloud said sarcastically.

"Okay!" Ritardando said, not getting it and preparing the guitar.

"No!" she said. "Listen, I'm not interested. I don't _care_. Nopony cares. Nopony _likes it_. Besides, I just said I don't like rainbows."

Ritardando stood there, frozen, his open-mouthed facial expression not changing, as though he wasn't sure how to process Raincloud's remark.

"So… no songs about rainbows?"

"No songs in general." Raincloud said. "There are other towns that do regularly scheduled musical numbers. Not here."

Ritardando looked around. A few ponies had stopped to watch the scene. Not participating, as Ritardando might've hoped (provided they supported his side), just watching. He saw Gold Standard, with a seemingly pained expression, as though she were pleading with him to get back inside before it got worse.

"But it's a good song…"

"No! Don't you get it?" Raincloud asked. "Ughh, you're so _annoying_. You're like a big black balloon with a dopey grin painted on. And the balloon won't shut up."

It took a bit for Raincloud's words to really sink in for him. When they did, that grin of his twitched a bit, and he stepped back.

"You… you're wrong." Ritardando said, back into the shop, trying to sound confident. "I'm going to… start a band! And then we're going to perform, and then it's going to be so awesome that it blows your _mind_."

Goldie followed him inside, and the crowd dispersed, save for Raincloud, who wondered if she was a little too mean to him. Well, he seemed like he was still set on the whole music thing, she figured, so he couldn't have been too broken up about it. Then she decided to read the funnies.


End file.
